MY PROBLEM WITH PROFESSORS OF ENGLISH:
A young girl newly married to a professor of English ran to her mother and said she was tired of the 2 week old marriage and would never go back to him.
The shocked mother asked her what the problem was.
The girl said her husband is so obsessed with his field of study that even outside the classroom, he teaches English to everyone that comes his way.
She said she cannot hold a 5 minutes discussion with him plainly without him bringing long, high sounding words that often leave her confused and with a severe headache.
The mother asked for examples of such trouble causing expressions and the girl said:
Yesterday, I asked him if the plumber had fixed the leaking tap.
He said: My response to your inquiry is positively in the affirmative.
The mother asked the girl: What does that mean?
The girl replied: He simply meant yes.
Last week, I asked him if it is true his friend really travelled and he said:
His proclamation is a gross distortion of reality a reflection of terminological inexactitude.
The amazed mother said: Wow, meaning what?
The girl said:
He meant to say he lied.
Another time, I asked why he looked pale and he said:
My general systemic metabolism standard is physiologically in a state of total indisposition.
The frightened mother asked her daughter: Oh my, what did he mean by that?
The girl said:
Oh, he meant he was ill.
Again, last Tuesday, I told him I heard on the radio that man will soon land on Mars.
He said: I find that assertion so ludicrous that I cant help but explode in a mirthful guffaw.
The mother asked:
Really? And what did he do?
The girl replied:
He just laughed.
Finally, on Sunday afternoon, my friend visited us, and as she was going, he said:
This is wishing you an expeditionary voyage and a locomotive advancement to your ultimate destination.
Mother said: Unbelievable ! What message was he passing to her?
Girl said: Go well.
The mother said:
Enough ! Say no more.
Remain at home. I wont let him kill you.
Pass me that panadol.